Voodoo Vibes

Nicolas Cage stars in The Wicker Man as a traumatized police officer investigating a lost girl on a mysterious, mist-shrouded island of imperious women and dimwitted men. Summoned by his ex-fiancee (Kate Beahan, Flightplan, who seems to have borrowed her lips from Angelina Jolie), Edward Malus (Cage, Adaptation.) blusters his way into a closed religious community by flashing his out-of-state badge around and insulting everyone he meets. To describe The Wicker Man any further would deprive viewers of enjoying the staggering ineptness of this absurd remake of the fairly creepy 1973 original. Despite a talented cast (including Ellen Burstyn, Requiem for a Dream, Molly Parker, Deadwood, and Leelee Sobieski, Joy Ride), the performances are uniformly awful, with Cage leading the pack; his overwrought cries of "How'd it get burned?!?" will provoke barks of laughter. Arbitrary wierdness abounds--ranging from animal masks to a body-stocking of bees--in a flailing effort to distract the audience from the narrative running madly off the rails. Maybe writer/director Neil LaBute (In the Company of Men, The Shape of Things) aspired to create a fever dream of male fears about women, but the result is a deformed hybrid of Invasion of the Bee Girls and The Village. A future camp classic. --Bret Fetzer

Out patrolling a California highway, police officer Edward Malus (Nicolas Cage) stops a station wagon to return a little girl's lost doll. Moments later, a runaway truck slams into the station wagon, igniting it into a fiery wreck with the mother and child trapped inside. Edward fails to save them before the car explodes...and then spends months of his life choking down pills to get the image of their faces out of his head. But Edward is about to get a second chance. A desperate letter from his former girlfriend, Willow (Kate Beahan), arrives at his home with no postmark. Willow came into his life and left just as unexpectedly years before. But now, her daughter Rowan has gone missing, and Edward is the only person she trusts to help locate her. She asks him to come to her home on a private island - Summersisle - a place with its own traditions where people observe a forgotten way of life. Edward seizes the opportunity to make his life right again, and soon finds himself on a seaplane bound for the islands of the Pacific Northwest. But nothing is what it seems on isolated Summersisle, where a culture, dominated by its matriarch Sister Summersisle (Ellen Burstyn), is bound together by arcane traditions and a pagan festival called "the Day of Death and Rebirth." The secretive people of Summersisle only ridicule his investigation, insisting that a child named Rowan never existed there... or if she ever did was no longer alive. But what Edward doesn't know is that Willow's plea for help has invited more into his life than a chance for redemption. In unraveling Summersisle's closely held secrets, Edward is drawn into a web of ancient traditions and murderous deceit, and each step he takes closer to the lost child brings him one step closer to the unspeakable. And one step closer to the Wicker Man.